Air Traffic Communications:

1.) Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

2.) One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of the runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in
the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you
make it all by yourself?"
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with:
"I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like that and I'll have enough
parts for another one."

3.) There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing,
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Air Traffic
Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had
one engine shut down.
"Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach".

4. ) A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting
to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".

5.) Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned
passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the
flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

6.) "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

7.) While on an evening flight on Southwest Airlines, I found it funny that the
head Flight Attendant made this announcement when dimming the lights for
take off: "Ladies and Gentleman, we will be dimming the cabin lighting to
enhance the beauty of our flight attendants, thank you."
Air Traffic Communications