Subject: Lesson in Political Science
( no animals were maimed or killed during any part of this test)
DEMOCRATIC: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel
guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANISM: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it
to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and
provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a
bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. Under the new
farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then
pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it
back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to
produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because
you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so
they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top
of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer them so
they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a
hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where
they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for
lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and
takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which
are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives
to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION: You have two cows. They go into hiding. They
send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly
maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION: You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish
cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the
Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies
FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like
the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for
both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote
at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is
the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION: You have millions of cows. They make
real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals.
Lesson In Political Science