MESSAGE FROM THE RURAL MIDWEST:
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners
and Californians go to states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South
Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information
guidelines.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will
be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It’s called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it..... it's
not just to keep up with the neighbors.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,
we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your
butt whipped by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead
catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you
fish for -- bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If your cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at
the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
pay for one drink at the airport.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef' Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham
and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice!
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two
weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go East & West; Interstates 29, 35 & 55 go North &
South. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the
fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an
idiot .. his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is.
Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay, we have corn
to plant.
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners
and Californians go to states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South
Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information
guidelines.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will
be handed to each driver entering the state:
1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It’s called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to
get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it..... it's
not just to keep up with the neighbors.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,
we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your
butt whipped by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead
catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you
fish for -- bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If your cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final
approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at
the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you
pay for one drink at the airport.
9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef' Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham
and turkey.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice!
11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two
weeks a year.
12. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle. You really want sushi and
caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go East & West; Interstates 29, 35 & 55 go North &
South. Pick one and use it accordingly.
16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Understand the concept?
18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the
fish.
19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an
idiot .. his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is.
Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay, we have corn
to plant.
Message from the Rural
Midwest
Midwest
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