NEW STOCK MARKET DEFINITIONS
Bull Market – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance the wife
gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
Momentum Investing – The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing – The Art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
Broker – Poorer than you were last year.
“Buy, Buy” – A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step
off the plane.
Standard & Poor –Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Financial Planner – A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to
the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction – The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
Call Option – Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times
Day Trader – Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Cisco – Sidekick of Pancho.
Yahoo – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
Windows 2000 – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought
Yahoo for $240 per share.
Institutional investor – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nut house.
Profit – Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates – Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan – God.
New Stock Market