One night in the House of Commons, Churchill, after imbibing a few drinks,
stumbled into Bessie Braddock, a corpulent Labourite member from
Liverpool. An angry Bessie straightened her clothes and addressed Sir
"Winston," she roared. "You are drunk, and what's more, you are disgustingly
Churchill, surveying Bessie, replied, "And might I say, Mrs. Braddock, you are
ugly, and what's more, disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow, Churchill continued, "I
shall be sober."

Another goodie:

Nancy Astor was a native Virginian who became Britain's first woman member
of the House of Commons. In the 1930's she headed a clique in the House of
Commons that found something to admire in Hitler's Germany.
Churchill described an Astorite as an appeaser "who feeds the crocodile
hoping that it will eat him last." One time shortly thereafter, Churchill found
himself at Cliveden, the Astor mansion.
After Lady Astor presided over the pouring of coffee, Churchill came by, she
glared and said, "Winston, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your coffee."
"Nancy," Churchill replied to the acid-tongued woman, "if I were your
husband, I'd drink it."

And, just one more:

After his escape from capture in the Boer War (in 1899), the twenty-six year
old Churchill won a seat in Parliament. To make himself look older, he grew a
mustache. A woman acquaintance who was not enthusiastic about his
independent political views encountered him at a dinner party.
"Winston," she scolded, "I approve of neither your politics nor your mustache."
"Madam," responded Churchill, "you are not likely to come in contact with
The Wisdom of