I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
      FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."
      I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
      So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do
for you in the bedroom?"
      Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.  
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big department
store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very
expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just
buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said
lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited.
She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
      I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for
a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
      She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.  
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go
to the cashier."
      I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."
      Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
      I then said "Honey!  I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.  You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"
      Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
What's Good for the Goose...