WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REAL JOBS
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem
kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming
season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother
to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over
Joe's Mom, too."
Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He
treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in
football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate
on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is beautiful)
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically
by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter
Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to
prison for three years, not Princeton." .
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color
photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my
name, I can still find my clothes."
Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of
heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the
morning regardless of what time it is."
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim
Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby,
and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (I wonder if his IQ
ever hit room temperature in January) .
Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what
is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I
Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a
player who received four F 's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're
spending too much time on one subject."
Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas
why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she
is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye." (Dead man walkin')
Why Athletes Can't Have Real