WIT AND WISDOM (sent by Hank Ingram)
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." -- Gene Hill
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in
case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your
ear." -- Dave Barry
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of
dogs." -- Aldous Huxley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down." -- Robert Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the
guts to bite people themselves." -- August Strindberg
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless
absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -- Fran
Lebowitz
"Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back
from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow.
They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -- Anne Tyler
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a
can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known
will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -- James Thurber
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person
with pets." -- Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful." -- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke
Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of
the most fond memories!" -- Dr. Tom Cat
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." --
Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward
Abbey
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the
dog does." -- Christopher Morley
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself." -- Josh Billings
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the
criteria was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
" Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer the patient a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "a normal person would choose the
bucket as it is larger than the spoon."
"No," answered the director, smiling. "A normal person would pull the
plug."
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." -- Gene Hill
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in
case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your
ear." -- Dave Barry
"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog,
it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of
dogs." -- Aldous Huxley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three
times before lying down." -- Robert Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives." -- Sue Murphy
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the
guts to bite people themselves." -- August Strindberg
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless
absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation." -- Fran
Lebowitz
"Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back
from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow.
They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!" -- Anne Tyler
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a
can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known
will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -- James Thurber
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person
with pets." -- Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful." -- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke
Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of
the most fond memories!" -- Dr. Tom Cat
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." --
Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward
Abbey
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the
dog does." -- Christopher Morley
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
himself." -- Josh Billings
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the
criteria was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
" Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer the patient a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "a normal person would choose the
bucket as it is larger than the spoon."
"No," answered the director, smiling. "A normal person would pull the
plug."
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