Subject: Y'Allbonics

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to seek a grant
designating Southern slang, or Y'allbonics, as a language to be taught in all
Southern schools. The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English

1) HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.
2) HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, Hire yew?"
3) BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow".
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
4) JAWJUH - (noun) - The state north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck and took it to Lanner."
5) BAMMER - (noun) - The state west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayam.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in
6) MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from
in munts."
7) THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
8) BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a nutter bare."
9) IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage:" Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
10) RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
11) ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
12) FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck,
that thang's gonna catch far."
13) TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck."
14) TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
15) RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
16) FAT - (noun and verb) - A battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup yuh."
17) RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
18) CHEER - (adverb) - In this place.
Usage: "Jest set that bare rat cheer."
19) FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddin't unnerstand a wurd he sed . . . must be from some farn
20) DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
21) ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas containing oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe . . . give 'im some are!!"
22) BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that there bob war fence."
23) JEW HERE - (pronoun and verb) - Contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that
bob war fence cump'ny?"
24) HAZE - (pronoun and verb) - A contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah . . . haze ignert.
He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."
25) SEED - (verb) - Past tense of "to see."
Usage: "I ain't never seed Noo Yawk City."
26) VIEW - (verb and pronoun) - contraction.
Usage: "I ain't never seed Noo Yawk City. . . view?"
27) GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."

Author... coulda been one of my family